I’m Poor! I Live in a Subdivision! This Sucks!

Since we’ve established that poor people who live in tony ‘burbs die sooner than their ghetto counterparts, the next logical step is to find a poster boy for those long-suffering cul-de-sac misfits. And so we give you White Mike, Pleasanton’s own up and coming rap star. See his muscles clench with the bitterness of being raised by a single mother! Watch his face contort with the gall of driving a run-down ’87 Toyota Corolla! Read the lyrics to “Pleasanton,” his angry ditty about P-Town’s perfect white-picket fence world!

    Pleasanton Californ-eye-ay
    The place where everyone knows you by name
    The people are friendly
    The weather is great
    Everyone drives a Beamer
    Lives in an estate….

    Pick up the morning paper
    It’s a brand new day!
    Cool breeze in the air
    Grin on my face
    Money in the bank
    My career’s in place
    Life is so great
    And I feel chipper…

    Today’s Family Day
    County fair’s in town
    We’ll go to Main Street
    Just toodle around
    Watch the streets blow
    We’ll flow with the crowd
    How’s that sound?
    Ice cream for the kids!
    Last one’s rotten, heh heh!
    Wow – not one mean person
    Golly gee, everything seems so perfect

A one-bedroom Pleasanton apartment: $1100 a month. Authenticity: Priceless.

Back to 92510, the East Bay Express news blog.


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