We probably don’t have to tell you this, but the air outside is damn nasty today. It’s all those fires up in Northern California, you see; Lake County is particularly bad, with 14,000 acres gone. According to the Chron, the areas where the air is tangibly unhealthy include the cities of Concord, Livermore, Pittsburg, Pleasant Hill, and Walnut Creek. Sorry, suburbs, but our mighty father-god Zeus is angered by your monotheism, your chastity during fertility fesitvals, and your insufficient idolatry! That’s why he sent his terrible thunderbolts to set the earth ablaze! Try to be less pure next year.
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