JOFA Hockey Helmet (purchased in hockey section of a sporting goods store)

WARNING: This helmet only provides superficial protection to the wearer’s head. It will not protect against most injuries resulting from a fall or a collision with any object. This helmet is not intended for use while playing ice hockey, rollerblading, or participating in any velocity or contact sport.

Bondage Tape (from Good Vibrations)

Keep away from children and infants.

Northstar Lift Ticket

As a condition of your use of ski area facilities, the ticket holder assumes all risk of personal injury, death, or property loss resulting from any cause whatsoever including but not limited to the inherent risks of skiing and snowboarding, the use of ski lifts, grooming, snowmaking, ski lift operations, collision with natural or manmade objects or other skiers. … The ticket holder waives all claims of liability against the ski area operator and its employees including the right to file a lawsuit.

Bladium Rock Gym

Acknowledgment of Risk: I recognize the fact that there is an inherent danger in the sport of rock climbing, including but not limited to injury or death, and I understand that no amount of care, caution, instruction or expertise can eliminate the inherent dangers.

Poker Tip of the Day (on Fox Sportsnet’s World Poker Challenge)

“These tips are for entertainment purposes only. You should not rely on any of these comments for any reason.”