Are you in love? Looking to get married? Live in Kern or Butte County? Then you’re shit outta luck, my friend, and God will strike you dead for living in sin. Faced with the terrible prospect of having to marry homos, the clerks of Kern and Butte counties have decided to refuse to marry anyone at all, gay or straight. According to the Chron, the clerks claimed they simply didn’t have the resources to handle the flood of nuptial-minded queers banging on their doors and demanding a walk down the aisle. While this is barely disguised homo-hatred, it’s not much of blow. After all, if you’re gonna get married, would you really want to do in Bakersfield?