We hosted our second Savage Love Livestream last week, and it was a blast. I ran my mouth as fast as I could but couldn’t answer every question that came in—there were hundreds of you and only one of me—so I’m going to power through as many leftover questions as I can in this week’s column …
How would you deal with Trumpist (still!) relatives living with you during the pandemic? My mother-in-law is here helping with newborn baby care and she brings up Trumpist talking points constantly and Trump permeates most other topics, like the pandemic, etc.
If I didn’t need the childcare, I would toss her ass out. If I needed the childcare but not so desperately that I couldn’t risk losing it, I would tell my mother-in-law to STFU or GTFO—and if my MIL complained or tried to play the victim after I told her off, I would print every photo I could find online of a Trump supporter in a “FUCK YOUR FEELINGS” t-shirt after the 2016 election and wallpaper the guest bedroom with them. But if I desperately needed the childcare and couldn’t risk losing it, I would smile and nod and keep my supply of edibles fully stocked.
My older brother is a 38-year-old straight male in NY. When COVID hit, his fiancé’s tendency to believe in conspiracy theories became more apparent and their relationship quickly declined. He’s a progressive, liberal-minded, deeply moral person and she’s from a family of right-wing, gun-collecting Scientologists. Recently they separated to collect their thoughts. Ultimately they agreed to separate. It’s now been two weeks. They still live together and are confused about what to do next. My question is, what advice do you give to someone who knows what they need to do but is too paralyzed to do it?
Don’t give your brother advice, give him time. It’s only been two weeks! And you don’t need to give him advice if he starts to waver—you don’t need to tell him what to do—you just need to give him a pep talk. He knows what he has to do. Give him support, moral and practical, not advice.
Thanks to everyone who attended our second Savage Love Livestream on Zoom! And here’s to getting together in person for a live show in 2021! Keep wearing your masks, keep washing your hands, keep keeping your distance and get vaccinated as soon as you can!