The man I’m seeing is the first person I ever opened up to about my bisexuality. Over our first year together, we had several threesomes, but we both became uncomfortable with them and one day he told me he could not have that kind of sex with a woman he cares about. We quarantined together and he felt Covid-19 had forced us to rush things. We decided to spend less time together to focus on our careers, which had both taken a hit. Now we only see each every two weeks or so. I thought it could be fun to reconnect and do some more threesomes. He agreed but asked me to handle things. I found us some amazing girls. But as in the past, our threesomes led to problems. I feel threatened, he feels jealous. We fight, I cry, he gets angry and acts like an asshole. I’m very insecure, depressed and have spent years in therapy. The threesomes feel like too much but we have great sex when we talk about other women. Is there any way we can make this work?
—Lost Into My Emotions
I feel really sorry for the women you two are having threesomes with—even if you’re doing your very special guest stars the courtesy of waiting until they leave to break down in tears, LIME, and even if your boyfriend is polite enough to wait until they’re gone before acting like an asshole, these women are most likely picking up on the tension and may feel conflicted about the sex after they go. If you’re having these meltdowns and blowups in front of these women, LIME, they definitely leave feeling terrible and may worry they did something wrong when it’s you two who are doing something wrong: continuing to have threesomes despite knowing they never end well.
While I don’t think a woman should waste her time (or pussy) on a man who tells her he can’t have “that kind of sex,” i.e. sex she enjoys, with a woman he cares about, I can understand why you might want to keep seeing this guy. (Covid-19 is making it hard to find new partners.) But you should stop doing the thing that doesn’t work—having threesomes—and do the thing that does work instead: talking dirty to each other about other women. And if you still want to get with women, LIME, do it solo. He doesn’t need to be there for you to enjoy an amazing girl.
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