When writing about movies to watch with one’s spouse, partner, significant other or all by one’s own damn self for Valentine’s Day, I found myself focusing on the futility of such an endeavor. Every single relationship is different, obviously, but even more specific are the things that each of us defines as romantic or sexy or intimate. So to define what makes a great Valentine’s Day movie is like trying to define what makes for a perfect cloud or a flawless sunset. Many different things can make a film great, but true perfection is only recognizable when you see it.
With that said, there are lots of romantic movies from which to choose. Here are 11 perfect ones, specifically tailored to the type of relationship one’s in, curated by yours truly… with love.
For that new relationship where both halves of a couple ignore the red flags for a bit longer because the sex is fire and they both like watching movies together: True Romance (1993). While this movie is genuinely romantic with truly incendiary chemistry between Christian Slater and Patricia Arquette, many lives could have been saved if they would have walked away from each other after the opening scene. Still, it’s hard not to root for those crazy kids.
For that couple that keeps breaking up and getting back together because they’re terrified of change: Eternal Sunshine Of the Spotless Mind (2004). Clementine and Joel find themselves together again for many reasons. Maybe it’s because they’re truly each other’s soulmates. Or maybe it’s because they’re afraid they won’t find the kind of love that they’re really looking for. Either way this love is doomed and beautiful, and I’m here for it.
For the couple who hides their remarkable levels of kink beneath a fairly square exterior: Phantom Thread (2017). We all know that couple—the pair who’s conservative in the streets and freaks in the sheets. P.T. Anderson’s underrated romantic classic gives permission to those who are a touch ashamed of their fetishes and says that the only way to truly find happiness is to be proud of the person one is, in public and in private.
For those discovering their queerness for the first time: But I’m a Cheerleader (1999). Sometimes a repressive environment doesn’t allow us to be our truest selves, and that will usually stunt our growth into our best selves. It can take coming face to face with what really gets our butterflies flying in order to unapologetically accept ourselves. This film gave an entire generation of LGBTQ+ youth a chance to feel seen and heard and remains one of the greatest queer movies of all time.
For the single person needing a good cry: Her (2013). While on the surface Her is about a nerd who falls in love with an operating system, it’s all in service of the idea that sometimes when we’re in love, our partner evolves past us into someone we don’t recognize anymore … and that’s okay. We’re not all with our person right now, but that doesn’t mean they’re not out there waiting for us.
For those two people we see conversing across the room and falling in love in real time: Before Sunrise (1995). We’ve seen it, maybe we’ve experienced it—where we’re in a conversation with someone that’s so profoundly life-changing that we’re willing to burn our life down to keep it going. This movie is simply two people walking around having a conversation and falling for each other, and it’s absolutely perfect.
For the shy, single person who unapologetically remains a hopeless romantic: Amélie (2001). There’s something about this very French film that makes falling in love look like the grandest adventure one can have, and there’s something quite beautiful about that. Remaining uncynical about romance is a gift, and Amélie shares it with all of us.
For the Sub in search of a Dom: Secretary (2002). Intense, erotically charged and probably problematic, Secretary, 20-plus years ago tried to show the world that consent is sexy and that yucking other people’s yums is never the right choice.
For the queer bohemian hustlers on a path of self-discovery in the Pacific Northwest: My Own Private Idaho (1991). This is pretty specific, but for those who’’ve been in Portland enough, it’s still pretty relevant. While romance is barely a thought in the film, the trust and friendship intrinsic in Mike and Scott’s relationship is a very special kind of love.
When both partners are radical leftists: My Beautiful Launderette (1995). Watch it with loved ones and get riled up all over again. Boy that feels good.
For those just wanting to vent about their ex: Tangerine (2015). The journey of two trans sex-workers walking across L.A. to get to a donut shop becomes a true odyssey of human emotion. This movie does a beautiful job of reminding us that the no-good ex we keep thinking about isn’t worth another moment of our time.
Yes, movies like Valentine’s Day (2010), The Notebook (2004) and About Time (2013) are obviously specifically designed for the holiday, but all of us are different and often Hollywood’s vision of romance is a little too broad. Find the movies that speak to one’s specificity and, whether spending this V-Day alone or with a partner, know that we are all loved, seen and oh-so-very special.
