Best Impression of a High School Junior in Late May
Planet Clair
Digits: Not likely, fool.
Ohhh, my God. I, like, totally can’t believe we made it through another year! I thought I would die! Math class sucked!!!! You are so awesome and totally pretty, so don’t even trip! Stay sweet and have a tight summer! LYLAS — Clair
By the way, here’re my picks for next spring:
Most Likely to Make the Tabloids
The Donnas; Billie Joe Armstrong
Biggest Brown-Noser
Mike “Gearhead” Lavella; Brett Matthews of AMP magazine and Coldfront Records
Best-Looking
Nedelle; Goapele; Doseone (Anticon)
Most Likely to Succeed
Erase Errata; Prozack
Most Likely to Secede
The Coup
Most Athletic
Motion Man
Best Personality
Tina Lucchesi of the Deadly Weapons; Dax Pierson of Winfred E. Eye
Best Dressed
Dave Gleason; Heiko Schrepel of One Man Army
Most Intellectual
Kid606; Jewlia Eisenberg
Best Sense of Humor
Extreme Elvis, Foreign Legion, Spore Attic
Biggest Mouth
Stork Club booker Emmett Cadigan; Bas-1
Biggest Flirt
Lookout’s Chris Appelgren; Heathy Lee Roth of Gravy Train
Most Huggable
The Moore Brothers; harpist Joanna Newsom
Most Talented
Michael Montalto of Red Meat; Joanna Newsom
Most Popular
DJ Kitty
Class Clown
John Geek of the SPAM collective; slam poet Jamie Kennedy
Cutest Smile
Eli Eckert, singer for Drunk Horse
Cutest Couple
Jesse and Shoko, Experimental Dental School
Most Dependable
Davey D, Patrick Secor of 11345 Records
Most Likely to be Remembered
Carla Kihlstedt; Goapele
Biggest Playa
E-40
Best School Spirit
Promoter dani eurynome; SPAM Collective; Billy Jam of Hip Hop Slam Records
Most Versatile
Dax Pierson
Most Ambitious
The Matches; Simon Stinger
Quietest
Adrian Tomine; Opio (Hieroglyphics)
Biggest Mooch
The Cuts and the Cuts
Best Dancer
Sean Sullivan of Soundboutique; Gravy Train
Most Talkative
Corbett Redford (SPAM Collective); Beni B (ABB Records)
Biggest Tease
Gravy Train
Most Argumentative
Sole (Anticon)
Peppiest
Dance Hall Crashers
Most Dramatic
Mark Growden; James Excel
Legend in His Own Mind
Mike Lavella
Best Car
The Phenomenauts’ Galactic Battle Cruiser
Best Laugh
Floyd (Fat Wreck Chords)
Born in the Wrong Decade
Bart Davenport; Russell Quan
Best Hair
Sleepytime Gorilla Museum
Best Eyes
Planet Asia; Des Kensel (drummer for High on Fire)
Most Original
Deuce Eclipse; Anticon; Winfred E. Eye
Class Gossip
Davey D
Sweetest
Cory Brown (Absolutely Kosher Records); Zion-I
Most Likely to Get a Wedgie
Counting Crows; that New Age ding-dong who plays that cymbalom thing on Telegraph Avenue; the hosebags who bang on overturned buckets at Sproul Plaza
Most Likely to Get a Wedgie if They Wore Underwear
The X-Plicit Players
