.Open Letter To God, regarding “Nappy Headed Hos”:

Dear God,

Dear, dear Sweet Jesus, let there be a Culture War over rap again. It would be so good. So Sweet.
Last week Don Imus got fired for calling some black female basketball players “nappy-headed ho’s.” And immediately people started saying, ‘Well, that word is used all the time in rap.’
Yes, yes it is.
Alongside the words: pimp, bitch, cunt, ho, cocksucker, dyke, faggot, motherfucker, bitch, bitch-ass trick, ho-ey-ass bitch, cracker-ass cracker and so on and so forth. Now, activists want some type of look into bad words in rap. Dear God, let these words and the rappers who say them be put on TV. Let them talk about how:

“It’s a completely different scenario. [Rappers] are not talking about no collegiate basketball girls who have made it to the next level in education and sports. We’re talking about ho’s that’s in the ‘hood that ain’t doing shit, that’s trying to get a nigga for his money. These are two separate things. First of all, we ain’t no old-ass white men that sit up on MSNBC going hard on black girls. We are rappers that have these songs coming from our minds and our souls that are relevant to what we feel. I will not let them muthafuckas say we in the same league as him.”

That was Snoop Dogg laying it down, God. Snoop! So good to hear from him on these things. Dear, Jesus, let there be some reincarnation of the PMRC with hearings and a Top 25 Worst list of offenders in Time magazine and all over the Internet.

I ask you this as a columnist, because there will be so much to write about, and with rap sales down 20 percent in 2006, the genre really, really, really needs this kind of legitimacy again. Too $hort should be hauled into congress. NWA can reform.

So, I’m asking you, sweet-sweet Jesus, save rap from hair-metal -style irrelvancy and corporate bullshit by granting us another Culture War and stealing the thunder of youth corruption back from videogames, The Choking Game, and MySpace.

David Downs


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