Numbing Cocks Without Killing Mice

Plus how to will sex toys to loved ones.

My girlfriend and I are into male-orgasm denial. We’ve recently
tried putting Orajel on my cock and then covering it with two condoms
so she can use me as a dildo without me getting off or even feeling
anything. It works great. Is there any chance of long-term health
issues if we do this once a week or so?

Numb-Dicked Dude

You didn’t say which kind of Orajel you are using, but I hope it’s
not Orajel Advanced Tooth Desensitizer. Its active ingredient —
created to treat sensitive teeth, not desensitize cock — is
something called “2-hydroxyethyl methacrylate,” which sounds like
something you might find in baby formula that was made in China. The
stuff works, according to Orajel’s web site, “by blocking dentinal
tubules, preventing excitation of the tooth nerve.” And, hey, if it’s
safe enough for your mouth, it’s probably safe enough for your cock and
for newborns, right? Well, maybe not. A very quick search of the
interwebs using that Googlemajob turns up a paper in the Journal of
Dental Research with this rather alarming title: “2-Hydroxyethyl
Methacrylate (HEMA) Is a Potent Inducer of Apoptotic Cell Death in
Human and Mouse Cells.”

Any responsible sex-advice professional would read the paper in its
entirety and inform you about the likelihood that you’re killing off
cock cells when you smear them with Orajel Advanced Tooth Desensitizer.
But I’m an alarmist sex-advice professional, not a responsible one, so
I’m just going to lay that title on you one more time: “2-Hydroxyethyl
Methacrylate (HEMA) Is a Potent Inducer of Apoptotic Cell Death in
Human and Mouse Cells.” I don’t know about you, NDD, but I’ve always
erred on the side of not smearing my dick with shit that kills mice.
(Not all brands of Orajel contain this ingredient, but a boy can’t be
too careful.)

It seems particularly foolish to smear any kind of Orajel on your
cock when there are products on the market specifically designed for
desensitizing cocks, things like Mandelay gel and Proloonging’s “penis
desensitizing aid delay spray.” These products are marketed to men who
suffer from premature ejaculation, even though numbing the dick doesn’t
really cure premature ejaculation. They sound perfect for you and your
orgasm-denying girlfriend, though, and I’d recommend ’em over that
potential rat poison you’re using now.

I’m a gay guy, 25, in great shape, no STDs. To make me happy, any
long-term relationship will need to have a strong BDSM element to it.
And I’m having a lot of trouble finding a BDSM relationship that makes
me happy. If I mention my BDSM needs up front when I meet a guy, I get
the “never done it, never will” response or the “ew, gross” response.
When I date a guy before I mention it, the guy is usually willing to
try it (even difficult stuff like CBT and e-stim), but it’s always
because he likes me and wants to get me off. So while I’m feeling the
pain, I’m not feeling dominated. And when I try to find guys
specifically into BDSM (leather bars, fetish web sites), I only find
physically unattractive guys.

I know I’m not the only young, attractive gay guy in Chicago into
restraints and pain. But how do I find the others?

Finding Extremely Deficient Erotic Xcitement

Go to DudesNude.com, FEDEX, and
search for profiles featuring guys who included “S&M” among their
interests. You’ll find tons of guys under thirty, many of them very
good-looking, and lots in Chicago. So keep looking, FEDEX. Very few gay
guys your age, kinky or not, have managed to find a person they can see
entering a LTR with … so no more whining, mmmkay? Continue to search
online and in leather bars, continue to be honest with the guys you
date, and sooner or later you’ll meet someone who’s as anxious to
introduce you to his parents as he is to torture your cock and
balls.

I’m a 27-year-old bi girl, with a lovely fiancée. I’m a
top; she’s a sub. I’m trying to be responsible, so this weekend I sat
down and wrote my will. I hope I won’t need it anytime soon, but it
makes me feel better to know friends and family will get what I want
them to have before the IRS can take the rest. You have to specify each
item and its recipient, and that’s where I ran into trouble. I want to
leave my fiancée’s collar to her, rather than Uncle Sam, but
wasn’t sure how specific I could be without either of us being
prosecuted for practicing S&M, which is illegal under current laws
in the state where I live. So I can’t say, “I’m leaving the S&M
collar to my fiancée.” We don’t have a dog and aren’t going to
get one, so writing “leather collar” looks strange and makes me
nervous. Do you have any advice?

Needs A Good Lawyer

Most people into S&M have a touch of the drama queen about them,
I realize, but let’s not be ridiculous. If you should precede your sub
in death, NAGL, I promise you that Uncle Sam is not going to take
possession of your widow’s dog collar. But to set your mind at ease, I
called a very good lawyer and annoyed him with your very stupid
question:

“No, no, no, no. A gift from one person to another is not illegal
— that’s the bottom-line answer,” said D. J. Rausa, a very good
lawyer in private practice in California who I found via the
“Kink-Aware Professionals” listings at the National Coalition for
Sexual Freedom. “The government is not going to be interested in a
gift, in any gift, unless they can tax it.” And unless that dog collar
is solid gold and the word “slave” is spelled out on it with big fat
diamonds, NAGL, the IRS doesn’t give a shit.

And since you don’t file a will with the state, but with your
lawyer, the odds of being prosecuted for engaging in S&M —
already infinitesimal — are nil. Worry about the fact that you
can’t legally marry your fiancée, NAGL, and not about Uncle Sam
swooping in and stealing your sex toys.

RealTouch, the new sex toy for men that you wrote about recently,
is a porn-marketing device, not a sex toy. Note that it says on their
web site that the first “30 minutes [are] free” (translation: You’ll
have to pay the rest of the time) and that the FAQ says explicitly that
it cannot be used by itself.

It’s a scam, IMO.

Not Buying One

“RealTouch is only activated by the … movies in our
video-on-demand library,” says Jim McAnally (a pseudonym, I’m thinkin’)
at RealTouch HQ. A per-minute price has not been established, as the
toy is not yet being sold — a detail I would’ve included last
week, had I known — but “the device [will be] activated with 30
minutes when it is purchased.”

So you’re right, NBO: RealTouch could be considered a porn-marketing
device. I wouldn’t go so far as to call it a scam, and neither would
Mr. McAnally: “The device is driven by a haptic data stream that we
have to encode with a lot of detail,” he added. “To give you an idea,
it takes eight hours to encode 15 minutes worth of content. And that
data stream doesn’t exist outside of the video that has been
encoded.”

Good to know. But many men will be disappointed to learn that they
can only use this toy when they’re watching porn. Here’s hoping that
RealTouch 2.0 has more functions.

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