Lousy Album Haiku Madness

The nail that sticks upmust be hammered down, they saySo must bad albums.

The hue of the cherry fades too quickly from sight. White chrysanthemums on dewdropped mountains bow to the sun. Madonna records with Britney Spears, and night falls under winter’s blanket.

Here are the worst records of the year in haiku:

Lou Reed The Raven

Mystery solved: Why

quoth the raven, “Nevermore?”

He heardeth this joint.

Nick Lachey SoulO

Oh SoulO Heel-o,

de un boy band profundo.

Damn, my wife’s a dolt.

Russell Crowe Other Ways of Speaking

Billy Bob Thornton Edge of the World

Hey, esteemed actors:

Man, you ought not sing like ‘at.

Just ask Bruce Willis.

Liz Phair Liz Phair

Windy Chicago,

one of your children has flown

‘mid Sheryl Crow’s flock.

Jewel 0304

“Swish, gurgle gurgle!”

Sound of Nemo finding dad?

Jewel’s career flushed.

Metallica St. Anger

Sober metalheads

are “The Thing That Should Not Be.”

(Well, that and Bob Rock.)

Lisa Marie Presley To Whom It May Concern

Girl, dad’s stillborn twin

was more talented than you.

Stick to divorcing.

Kid Rock Kid Rock

Hey, here’s an idea:

Scream chorus of any song!

Instant Kid Rock hit!

Peaches Fatherfucker

Granny was so wrong.

Peaches cannot be preserved.

Can spoil in one year.

Erasure Other People’s Songs

Ol’ Confucius say:

They who cannot make comeback,

record cover songs.

Limp Bizkit Results May Vary

Though this pick is like

shooting fish in a barrel,

I could not resist.

David Lee Roth Diamond Dave

Now here’s a surprise:

This record isn’t so good.

Diamond D shits coal.

Whitney Houston Just Whitney

Whitney, dear Whitney,

you’ve become a Too $hort song.

Get it together.

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