Ho-ing for Ching-a-ling

This blog entry was originally going to be titled “Why does Chingy Insist on Making Bootsy-Ass Sex Songs?” in response to track 12 on the rapper’s latest, Hoodstar — a lewd, but extremely hackneyed fantasy about a one-night stand that actually works. Called “Let Me Luv U,” the song can be summarized thus: Chingy meets a fly-ass girl in a club. She’s 5′ 6″ and shaped like an hour glass, with a booty that’s big enough to pass muster. Conveniently, she’s got no man and he’s got no woman, so naturally they end up going home together. She asks to use the shower, he tags along after her with a bottle of Seagram’s gin in tow, and…the plot thickens. Kind of.

But wait…um, hello? This girl is gonna give it up just like that for a bottle of Seagram’s? Couldn’t it have at least been top-shelf liquor?

The fact that Chingy’s managed to stay relevant for three years, building his career on slurry “aurrrr” sounds and catchy R&B hooks, without producing anything of substantive content (Amazon.com reviewers collectively dubbed 2004’s Powerballin’ an assault against taste; one person titled his Hoodstar review “Will you ever give up?”) eludes just about everyone. But somehow Chingy’s managed to carve out a space for himself in Top 40 hip-hop, mostly by dressing fly and surrounding himself with talented people, like R&B singer Tyrese, whose lilting vocals rendered the otherwise-tepid “Pullin’ Me Back” into one of the top radio singles of 2006. Through some weird sleight of hand Chingy’s managed to turn thousands of hip-hop consumers into hoes, just like the girl in “Let Me Luv U” (whose sweet, syrupy vocals are the only thing that make the song bearable). By buying his albums we’re clearly settling for less than we deserve.


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