I met my girlfriend about three months ago on a social-networking
web site. The pictures made her look attractive and in shape. We texted
each other nonstop for the first three months. This past weekend we
met, and she didn’t look anything like her pictures. However, we did
still have sex twice. I’m about to start my freshman year in college,
and I realized upon returning from my orientation that I do not want to
be tied down going into school. Breaking up with her will break her
heart into pieces. I have no clue what I should do.
Epic State Of Confusion
You didn’t meet your girlfriend three months ago, ESOC, you met this
girl last weekend. And if she expects a lifetime commitment after
posting misleading photos and exchanging text messages and a single
weekend of sex, she isn’t just asking to have her heart broken, her
heart needs breaking. So you’ll have to break it for her, ESOC, unless
you’re prepared to be with this woman for the next six or seven
decades.
She’ll conclude that the breakup has something to do with her looks,
of course, and that fact will make your rejection hurt all the worse.
Good. She set herself up for rejection when she posted misleading
photographs on that social-networking web site and forged an emotional
connection with you under what amounts to false pretenses. Your
rejection may convince her to post more-representative photos —
honest photos — in the future.
For the record: Anyone looking for sex partners online is allowed to
post flattering photos of recent vintage. People are free, of course,
to post misleading photos of mysterious provenance. But those who post
misleading photos have no one to blame for their hurt feelings but
themselves.
If I may paraphrase the caption under a famous New Yorker
cartoon: On the Internet, no one knows — or has to know —
that you’re a dog. But when chatting becomes cyberdating, when romance
may be in the offing, and a face-to-face meeting becomes inevitable, an
exchange of better photos — or at least more-representative
photos — is simple common sense and common courtesy.
And here’s where you went wrong, ESOC: You fucked this girl. She
naturally interpreted your willingness to fuck her as a sign that you
didn’t care about the discrepancy between her photos and her actual
appearance. It’s going to make the rejection she has coming more
devastating than it needed to be.
I’m a gay male in my late twenties and a survivor of testicular
cancer. I count myself lucky, but I’m still down a testicle. I’m also
coming out of a five-year relationship. I’m now concerned about how
much a set of balls counts in the gay community. I am not getting one
of those ridiculous ball implants. I just want to make sure I don’t
freak out any of my future partners. However, discussing cancer during
a first date or in dance clubs seems to be sort of a turnoff.
Tips?
Half The Man I Used To Be
Since having one ball isn’t going to place your sex partners at any
risk of anything or hamper your sexual performance in any way, I don’t
think you’re obligated to disclose until you get home from the movie or
the club and you’re rolling around on the couch and making out. When
hands start reaching for zippers, say something like this: “Just so you
know, I’ve only got one ball. Long story, and I’ll tell you all about
it later. And I only have one dick, too — but you only have one
throat, so we’ll find a way to make this work.”
There may be a handful of gay guys out there who won’t want to date
a guy with one ball, and they’ll make their excuses and refrain from
seeing you again. But so long as you’re not an insecure, tormented bag
of slop always bemoaning his half-empty sack, it shouldn’t interfere
with your love life.
A wonderful guy I’ve known since grade school zoomed in and
became my lover after a devastating divorce. He’s a tiger in bed, sweet
and respectful, and an overall terrific guy. The problem? I’ve always
been considered a “knockout,” while my lover is “different” looking. I
love him even more for it. But how do I deal with assholes who ask
questions like “What are you doing with him?” It’s usually one of his
“friends” — and they’ll say it right in front of him. What the
hell am I supposed to say?
My Boyfriend’s Not A Loser
“What am I doing with him? I’m doing all I can to keep his nuts
drained — basically, I’m doing for him what your right hand does
for you.”
I have been with my girlfriend for nearly four years now. We are
both 23. We are in love, but I want to have sex with other people
— with girls and with guys. I was a virgin when I met her, but
she had been with a few other guys. I have brought up threesomes, and
she seems fine with the idea and talking about it turns her on. But she
also says she doesn’t want me to have sex with any other girls, only
her, but a guy would be fine.
What Should I Do?
Find a guy you wanna fuck, WSID, check in with the girlfriend, have
a conversation about health and safety and primacy (she’ll always come
first), and ask if she wants to have an MFM threesome. Then go fuck the
guy. If you fuck the guy alone, check in with the girlfriend before and
after. If you fuck him together — if you have that threesome
— check in with the girlfriend before, during, and after.
Then once you’ve shown the girlfriend that you’re capable of
sleeping with other people without being irresponsible, unsafe, or
insensitive, WSID, she might — might — give you the okay to
fuck another girl sometime. The odds are even better if she fucks
another guy with or in front of you and realizes that, just as she had
sex with another man without feeling any less attracted or attached to
you, you could have sex with another woman without feeling any less
attracted or attached to her.
So a friend of mine and I have been having a debate. She’s a
lesbian, and she’s certain that there is no possible way that she could
ever contract a sexually transmitted infection. Her logic is that
fingerfucking and eating pussy are safe in every way. But I remember
taking a class on human sexuality where our professor showed us
pictures of people who contracted STIs in odd ways. We saw a picture of
a guy who had a yeast infection on his tongue from eating a girl out
(it kind of looked like cottage cheese was growing on his tongue), and
I won’t describe the picture of the guy who had gonorrhea in his
eye.
So I’m just wondering, is it possible for a lesbian to get an
STI? Or were those photos faked just to scare us?
Verification Desired
Yes, lesbians can contract STIs — from each other, from the
men some lesbian-identified women insist on fucking, from lesbians
who’ve slept with men. Skin-to-skin contact — grinding pussies,
fingerfucking — can transmit HPV, for instance, and herpes and
razor burn. Eating pussy is also a pretty effective transmission route
for herpes and HPV and gonorrhea and syphilis and chlamydia and on and
on. And if brain cancer were a sexually transmitted infection, VD, your
seriously fucked-in-the-head friend would definitely be at risk.
