New Radio Station to Predate the Canyons of Your Mind

For those of you following the slow digital countdown to death of the station formerly known as 95.7 Max FM, as of this morning it’s been replaced with something called The Wolf, “the Bay Area’s fresh country station” which advertises 10,000 songs in a row without a commercial and leads us to wonder if it’s essentially a giant iPod with a broadcast antenna and a cowboy hat. This morning it signed onto the airwaves with a sort of terrifying announcement called “birth of the wolf”. Although you can also stream it from the site, we’ve transcribed the entire thing so those of you without speakers can enjoy it in all of its grammar-shattering, beat poet-namedropping, hugely anthropomorphic and vaguely threatening glory.

    Ladies and gentlemen, you are about to witness the birth of a brand new radio station, a station for the people by the people and built in the very best the people of the Bay Area have to offer. After all, you built this city. Its birthplace, the majestic old growth redwood forests northwest of San Francisco. Its territory, up and down the coast from north to south from the rocky coastline of the Marin headlands to downtown. From the city to the Silicon Valley and from Bodega Bay to the East Bay, inland through the early morning mists and fog shrouded valleys of the coastal range, from the gently rolling landscape of the peninsula to the sun drenched arroyos and deep into the canyons of your mind. This new powerful predator roams everywhere. It has always been there, red eyes peering from deep in the wild. It’s always listening, always watching, always waiting for the time to leap onto the radio airwaves of San Francisco and the Bay Area. As it has emerged from the den, you may have seen its silhouettte on the night of the full moon, you may have caught a glimpse of it out of the corner of your eye, you may have heard it as a distant cry in the night that sent a shiver down your spine. It stands muscular and tall, ears erect and pointed forward, tail vertical and curled towards the back, its hackles bristling in the wind. Its rank is obvious. Now it is time for this radio animal to walk into the bright blue open to reveal itself as the true alpha leader of the pack. This is the primeval wild canine, a hunter alongside our most faithful domestic companion, naturally bred and organically fed, with an insatiable hunger to run commercial free. The howl of Allen Ginsberg and a new generation of fresh country music for Californians, this dog is thinning the herd, clearing the airwaves of useless clutter and too many commercials. Your country power pup is growing bigger by the hour. Now the hunt is on with 10,00 songs in a row commercial-free. Introducting the all new 95.7 TheWolf!”

Wow. Now is that a word picture, or what?


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