More than Just Meat

Hooking up with a young 'un and a married couple. Plus, genderless lubes for anal play.

I just turned twenty and have been out of the closet for a year.
A lesbian friend wants to hook me up with her gay friend; let’s call
him Kyle, a cute, fit boy who runs track and does theater. The issue
is, he’s just seventeen and starting his senior year in high school,
while I am entering my junior year in college. The age of consent where
we live is sixteen. I realize the age difference is not too big, but he
is technically still a minor. I’m only mildly experienced (I’ve had
just one boyfriend), and I’d like to think I’m a nice guy. Also, the
gay pickings are rather slim around here.

Are there certain things to keep in mind besides the usual
respect and honesty, or should I treat this as any other potential
meeting? Does the “campsite” rule apply with such a small age
gap?

Man In Need Of Recommendation

Meet the boy.

If you hit it off, MINOR, it would be a shame if you didn’t allow
Kyle to benefit from your wisdom, experience, and cock just because he
wasn’t born twelve months earlier. And if you start going steady
— which is what kids used to do before hooking up ruined
everything — and he’s out to his family, I would urge you to meet
his parents. They might not be entirely comfortable with their son’s
sexuality, and meeting the college boy who’s boning their son might be
awkward. But if you go out of your way to reassure them about your
intentions toward their son — above and beyond boning —
they may feel a bit more at ease about the relationship.

As for the campsite rule — “leave him in better shape than you
found him” — others have pointed out that the rule should apply
regardless of age, sexuality, species, etc. I agree, of course, but I
still believe that older, wiser, and more experienced partners have a
special responsibility to leave their sex partners in better shape than
they found them and should be encouraged to make a special effort.

I’m 35, gay, and in a six-year relationship. My husband —
not really, here in Tennessee, but I call him that anyway — is
38, and we have a great relationship. We have been monogamous up till
now but are open to inviting select others into our bed. This was
prompted by a friend we recently made whom we both find attractive and
who has expressed an interest in us both. He is 24, cute, and just
starting out in Gaydom. We don’t expect anything long-term, just a
nice, mellow friend-with-benefits scenario.

Any suggestions as to issues we might want to discuss up
front?

Good Gay Guys

Tell the 24-year-old not to expect anything long-term, GGG, and let
him know that while you will be treating him like a piece of meat, you
will also be treating him like a human being. Make sure he understands
that his presence in your lives — and your bed — is meant
to be fun and temporary. You two get to spice it up with some strange;
he gets to benefit from your wisdom, experience, and cocks. And tell
him that while he’ll have a blast with you two, he shouldn’t pass on a
date with a potential boyfriend, should one appear on the scene —
but so long as you three are friends-with-benefiting-it-up, you would
like to be informed about any other sexual contacts he might have.

Then show him the ropes, teach him about sexual safety, encourage
him to open up to you guys about anything he’s ever wanted to try, help
him find his place in Gaydom, and when it comes to an end — as it
will and should — make an effort to remain friends.

I am a gay male. A couple of months ago, I developed a friendship
with a gay married couple. We hit it off great — I really enjoy
their company. Then they took me aside and “invited” me into their
marriage, and so now I’m in one of those “polyamorous” groups. I have
never been in one before.

I thought I would be able to open myself up to both of them, but
for some reason I can’t seem to feel love for them both at the same
time. I’ve always seen myself as a strict-monogamy kind of guy. I
thought a three-way would be fun, but when I’m with two guys, I feel
like I’m just a piece of meat. I am probably not making much sense, but
I would like some advice, if you could, please. I feel inadequate
because I can’t feel comfortable in this relationship.

Feel Like A Prude

So … after knowing you for two months, this couple essentially
proposed to you, inviting you “into their marriage,” and you accepted.
Hmm. Exit this marriage at once, FLAP. Not because you’re a prude
— clearly you’re open to trying new things — but because at
two months, they were idiots to propose and you were an idiot to
accept.

Backing up: Trying something and not liking it doesn’t mean that
you’re a prude, FLAP, it only means that “it” either wasn’t for you or
that you tried “it” with the wrong person(s). I suspect the latter in
this case. If these guys, after two months, had invited you to hang out
with them, to roll around with them, to drop by twice a week for a
leisurely spit roasting, I suspect you would’ve had a better
experience, FLAP. Inviting you over to be treated like a piece of meat
— and a human being — would’ve been honest. All you could
really be at two months is a piece of meat and a friend-with-benefits;
you couldn’t be a husband and in love with both of them equally. Their
unreasonable expectations, and your attempt to live up to them, ruined
what could’ve been a nice little affair.

I’m a gay dude who has been trying to find an all-natural and
organic lube. The only one my hubby and I liked was a brand called
Bliss, but alas, they stopped making it. When I try to look online or
at the local co-op, the only all-natural sex lubricants I can find all
say something to the effect of “closest possible to a woman’s natural
vaginal fluids.” I have two problems with this. Problem number one:
eeewwwww. Problem number two: When I have sampled these
just-like-vaginal-fluids lubes, they seem very thin. A healthy bout of
anal sex needs something with a bit more viscosity. Is there an
all-natural lube out there that doesn’t quickly dry out and washes off
easily? Some friends keep suggesting vegetable oils, but I don’t want
to have to wash off my junk with Dawn after sex.

Lubing Up Butts Environmentally Safely

“Not that vaginal juices are eeewwwww-ey,” says Rachel Venning,
cofounder of Babeland, one of my favorite sex-toy shops. “But I don’t
want a jar of them on my nightstand either. I want something that stays
slick longer, like packaged lube.”

Babeland makes its own organic lube, a water-based lube called Naked
that’s thick, latex-safe, and good for butt play. “It comes in totally
ungendered, nonplastic packaging,” Venning adds, making it perfect for
squeamish-about-girl-bits fags like you and me, LUBES. “Another new
brand of organic lube to try is Sliguid Organics Gel. There is a
teeny-tiny women’s symbol in the logo, but if that isn’t too much of a
turnoff for this man-loving man, it’s good stuff.”

Vegetable oils aren’t condom-safe, of course, but if you and your
partner are seroconcordant and having anal sex with only each other,
Venning suggested “some natural unguent from the beauty aisle —
shea-butter balm or the like. Not as slippery as lube but lasts
longer.”

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