Oldest Steaks
“YUCK! ONLY ASSHOLES EAT MEAT!”
Don’t we know you from somewhere?
Most Transcendent Teahouse
“it’s on Piedmont — dang it — what’s its name?”
You need coffee, old chap.
Most Successfully Experimental Sushi
“ewie”
We’re not familiar with that fish.
Shortest Brunch Lines
“I sleep through brunch.”
Just wait till you have kids!
Healthiest Menu
“anything with sprouts”
Chia Pet, anyone?
Most Romantic Italian Restaurant
“i can’t afford those”
Then languish in celibacy.
Most Unique Salad
“you people are freaks”
Wait till you see our salads.
Tenderest Ribs
“PIGS AND COWS DESERVE THEIR OWN RIBS!”
Pigs or cows. No ties allowed.
