Condom Etiquette For Threesomes

Plus, if you want your girlfriend to keep escorting, perhaps you should try it, too.

I am a fairly successful man. I don’t make bank like Wall
Streeters back in the day, but I haven’t been hungry since college. My
girlfriend is younger. We met when she was in grad school. Like many
recent grads, she’s not steadily employed, in debt, and driving an
unsafe car. So I support her, house her, feed her, and pay her bills
(medical, etc.). She needed to pay off her credit-card debt — 28
percent interest rate! — so she took work stripping and later as
an escort. Through escorting she was able to pay off her credit-card
debt in a month.

Now some guys would find this distressing, but I found it kind of
hot. Here’s the thing: After she paid off her credit-card debt, she
stopped escorting. I’d like her to continue part-time until she finds a
career. She’s mixed on this. We would like to buy a house and make
things more permanent, but our income isn’t enough to do that if she’s
making waitress wages. I guess it boils down to this: I would prefer to
be with a sex worker than a waitress. I’d rather she make $200/hour on
her back than $10/hour on her feet. She says she has issues with sex
work. What do you think?

Perhaps I’m Mildly Perverted

I don’t think it’s up to me, PIMP, or you. And I would hope that
your girlfriend, who’s financially dependent on you at the moment,
doesn’t return to sex work because she feels coerced.

But I can certainly appreciate your point of view. There are men out
there who’re turned on by the idea of their girlfriends/wives having
sex with other men; some men are turned on by the idea of their
girlfriends/wives being paid for sex. You’re clearly one of those guys.
And you’re within your rights to share this information with your
girlfriend and to try to convince her to return to sex work. Because
your fantasies of sex work — of her doing sex work — turn
you on. And, again, that’s fine. But you could make a more convincing
case, PIMP, if you were better acquainted with the realities of sex
work.

You should start sucking off strange men for money.

You’ll have to service men, I’m afraid, as there’s not much of a
market for male prostitutes who service female clients. While lots of
men fantasize about being paid to have sex with women, there’s a fatal
supply-and-demand problem. Simply put: There are just too many men out
there willing to give it away for free. That created a glut on the
supply side, which has distorted the market, as there’s more than
enough free straight cock out there to meet the needs of straight
women.

So you’ll be giving head to dudes, PIMP. And after you’ve choked
down a few hundred loads, you can go back to the girlfriend and say,
“Sex work isn’t so bad!” with some credibility. And if you keep doing
sex work after you’ve sucked off scores of men you’re not attracted to
— men who may or may not have treated you with respect, men who
may have very different standards of personal hygiene than you do
— that might convince your girlfriend to continue to pursue sex
work for your amusement.

Good luck.

Hello! I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for about
a year and a half. It is amazing! We are both very GGG, and it is by
far the best sexual relationship that I have ever had. But there is one
thing that has been bugging me, and it’s the only thing I feel like I
can’t share with him. My boyfriend really enjoys tossing my salad. I
enjoy it! We love it! Here’s the problem: He kisses me when he is
done.

Now I am not one of these people who is grossed out about
sex-related things. I love it messy and sloppy. If he kisses me after
eating my pussy, I’m fine with that. But kissing me after he eats my
ass? I hate it! It tastes awful! It ruins the rest of the sex for me!
I’ve heard the old “Well, imagine what it tastes like for him” adage,
but he really does enjoy it, and I do, too… just not the kissing
after. I’m not sure what to do about this. I am afraid that telling him
would offend him and that he will stop doing it. (I do like having my
salad tossed!) Am I being selfish? Should I tell him? Suck it
up?

Bad Taste In My Mouth

One never permits one’s boyfriend — or one’s youth pastor or
one’s president — to place his tongue in one’s butt if it isn’t
clean and fresh. Because when one allows one’s boyfriend to stick his
tongue in one’s butt, BTIMM, one is vouching for the edibility of one’s
ass. When one consents to having one’s salad tossed — are people
referring to anilingus in that way again? — one is saying to
one’s partner, “My ass is clean enough for your mouth. Have at it.”

It is entirely reasonable for one’s boyfriend — or one’s youth
pastor or one’s president — to assume that if one’s butt is clean
enough to receive his tongue, his tongue is clean enough,
post-salad-tossing, to be received in the mouth of the person whose
salad he has just tossed.

So are you are being selfish? Perhaps you are. But we are, each of
us, allowed a hang-up or two. You should inform the boyfriend that
you’re not into kissing after anal-oral contact. But you must present
this news to him as your problem, not his, as a hang-up of yours. If he
likes you well enough, and enjoys eating your ass as much as he seems
to, he may be willing to take a few extra steps — mouthwash on
the nightstand? A quick swipe with a warm washcloth? — to
accommodate your squeamishness.

What is the proper condom etiquette for threesomes?

In my case, I’m a guy and it would be with two girls. Do I change
condoms when I go from one girl to the other? It seems like that would
be a hassle. It’d kill the spontaneity.

No Clever Acronym

First, a general point: Spontaneity is overrated. The best sex often
requires advance planning; the more people involved, or props involved,
the more planning required. Although threesomes, for example, can
sometimes “just happen” (often when three young people “just happen” to
get drunk), most threesomes require some advance planning (particularly
when adults want to have them). Finding the third, vetting the third,
establishing the ground rules, talking about safety, etc. — all
of that requires advance planning.

On to your specific question, NCA: You are going to have to change
condoms when you hop from one girl to the other. Unless, of course,
you’re a total asshole and you only care about protecting your own
health and you don’t give a shit about exposing Girl A to any sexually
transmitted infections that Girl B might have, or vice versa. Neither
girl should sleep with you if you refuse to swap out condoms, and you
should remind yourself that, just as Paris was worth the hassle of a
mass, realizing the number-one straight-male fantasy of all time is
worth the hassle of swapping out condoms.

But you do have another option: the female condom. It’s a condom
that she wears. I’ve used them — with dudes — and once you
get past the slightly creepy trash-can-liner aspect of using them, they
work fine. Stuff one in each girl, and you’ll be able hop back and
forth to your heart’s content without pausing to change condoms.
There’s more info about the female condom at www.femalehealth.com.

Download my podcast at TheStranger.com/savage.

[email protected]

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