Cheaters Anonymous

The other woman finds herself the other woman, plus getting off on twinks.

I’m a longtime reader who thought I’d never have a reason to
write since I’m universally known as the “good girl,” but I’m not sure
who else I can turn to. I have a close male friend. Even though I knew
he was dating someone else, we became friends with benefits several
years ago. Because of his relationship (and the fact that he lives with
her!), I let him take the lead in setting up our rendezvous. Sometimes
when we’d be together, it felt like a booty call; other times, it felt
like it was leading to something more. He once admitted that if things
were different, he could see us together. He never really talks about
his girlfriend with me, and a while ago I discovered that while he was
unfaithful to her, he had also been unfaithful to me.

On to the point of this letter: He recently proposed to his
girlfriend. I’m happy for him if it’s what he truly wants, but I feel
like he did it out of desperation. All I know is that there were some
ultimatums involved. Here is my dilemma: I don’t want to out myself, I
don’t want to hurt him, and I don’t want to ruin our friendship, Dan,
but I feel like she has to know what her fiancé is really like
before they get married. I don’t see his cheating stopping just because
they’ve exchanged a few vows. Should I anonymously contact her and let
her know that her man is a cheating man-whore? Thanks!

One Of Many Other Women

Gee … it must have come as a real shock when you realized that a
man who was capable of cheating on his live-in girlfriend was also
capable of cheating on the girl with whom he was cheating on his
live-in girlfriend. No one could’ve predicted, huh?

On to your question: I hate to think of some poor woman marrying a
cheating piece of shit (CPOS) — a CPOS is not to be confused with
an honest nonmonogamous dude (HND) — in ignorance of his
cheating-piece-of-shit-ness. It’s possible that the CPOS’
fiancée already knows and has forgiven him; perhaps one of those
ultimatums touched on cheating. But odds are better that this woman
doesn’t know, and someone really ought to clue her in before the
wedding. But should that person be you?

I’m not comfortable with your motives, OOMOW. You may be known
throughout the universe as a “good girl” — as the good
girl — but your actions prove that you’re something of a “bad
girl.” And there’s more: Your desire to destroy your FWB’s relationship
proves that you’re something of a “vindictive girl,” your attempt to
pass your vindictiveness off as concern for a woman you’ve repeatedly
wronged proves that you’re a “self-deluding girl,” and your desire to
accomplish all of this without paying any price yourself — you
don’t want to out yourself or risk ruining your “friendship” with the
man-whore — proves that you’re a “selfish girl” and a “cowardly
girl.”

Back to your motives: The reason you want to do this anonymously is
because your top concern is having the CPOS all to yourself, and that
means sticking a knife in his current relationship without leaving any
fingerprints. So it’s a good thing — a useful thing — that
you weren’t the only “other woman” in his life, OOMOW, because he’ll
never know for sure which one of his other women ratted him out.

Setting your highly suspect motives aside …

If I were in the fiancée’s shoes, I would want to know what
was going on before the wedding. So I do think you should tell her. But
if you have any shred of decency — even the tiniest bit —
you will tell her personally, apologize profusely, and provide her with
some proof. An anonymous tip won’t cut it: A CPOS who has successfully
hidden a collection of other women from his fiancée will be able
to talk his way out of an anonymous accusation of infidelity. He’ll
either claim the e-mail was sent by a vindictive ex-girlfriend of his,
which has the benefit of being very nearly true, or he’ll claim that an
ex-boyfriend of hers is trying to destroy her happiness.

Finally, OOMOW, why do you want to be with the CPOS? He cheated on
his fiancée, he cheated on you, and he probably cheated on the
women who he was cheating on the both of you with. He’s a piece of
shit, his fiancée is a fool, and you’re a vindictive,
self-deluding, selfish coward. I’m not sure if you can all do better,
or that any of you deserve better, but I do think you should all
try.

I’m a hetero girl in my twenties. I love masturbating and find
myself really good at it, but a lot of the time I get nothing from
hetero porn. Usually it’s because I can’t stand the girls’ annoying
voices. So I rely on gay porn instead, even when I’m reading erotica. I
tend to go for what you gay guys call “twinks.” (Who the hell is a
twink, technically speaking? Please don’t tell me it’s anything
statutory!) I’m not really concerned, I’m just curious: Is this a
common problem? I now get really intrigued when I meet gay guys in real
life because I get off to so many gay men in porn. I would love to
watch two twinks in reality at some point, but I’m not sure if any gay
guys would ever be into that.

Twink Lover

Twinks are boyish gay men — boyish men, not boyish boys
— in their late teens to mid-twenties with
slim-to-slightly-muscular bodies and relatively hairless chins, chests,
crotches, etc. So long as you’re getting your live-action porn from
reputable porn sites and companies, TL, you don’t have anything to
worry about on the statutory front.

As for watching a couple of twinks go at it, there are lots of
bisexual twinks out there — perhaps you could date one and have
the odd three-way with others? There are also, without a doubt, some
twink gay couples out there as turned on by the idea of some straight
girl watching them go at it as you are turned on by the idea of
watching a couple of twinks go at it. And thanks to the World Wide
Interfluffer, finding them — or renting them — is easier
than ever. And speaking of twinks …

However much Playgirl paid Levi Johnston for that photo
shoot, it wasn’t enough. Most people thought Playgirl
which ceased publishing in print a while ago — was dead and gone
forever. Prior to this photo shoot with Johnston, who even knew that
Playgirl had a web site? Or that Playgirl had a
publicist? A publicist who had this to say after the shoot: “We were
talking in the greenroom about gay categories — bear, cubs
— and Levi asked what his type would be. We decided a twink, but
older, so we anointed him a ‘twunk.'”

I love the idea of a twunk — an older twink — but Levi
Johnston is nineteen years old. How old is a twink supposed to be if a
nineteen-year-old is already an aged twunk? No, no: Johnston was never
a twink. He is a high-school jock — the hockey variety, to the
delight of gear fetishists everywhere — gone slightly to seed.
But what’s more interesting than sorting Johnston into his exact gay
etymological category is watching Johnston, once a major homophobe,
become increasingly comfortable with the gays. Celebrity — and
that’s what he is now — means having to hang out and work with
(and work for) a certain number of out homos. One of those homos no
doubt explained to Johnston that not many women would be masturbating
to his pictures on Playgirl‘s web site. It seems that homophobia
is a luxury that Levi can’t afford anymore.

And, psst, Levi? If you did that Playgirl shoot only to drive
your former future mother-in-law crazy — and if that was your
plan, kiddo, it seemed to work — imagine how much crazier she’ll
get if you do a little gay-for-pay porn. Just sayin’.

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