I am a 29-year-old single straight man. Over the past year, I
have become very close friends with a gay man close to my age. We have
a blast hanging out, and I value our friendship. Four months ago, he
told me that he had developed romantic feelings for me and said he
needed a little space to save our friendship. For a couple of months,
we saw each other only with mutual friends. Then we started hanging out
again. It’s been great, and he seems very comfortable with me again.
The thing is, I am now experiencing a sexual attraction to him. I have
never been with a man and I am very attracted to women, but it doesn’t
bother me that I suddenly feel this way.
I have been thinking about asking him if he wants to have a
sexual experience with me. I think he would go for it. A long-term
romantic relationship with him does not interest me, but I do love him
as a friend and don’t want to risk losing that. Is it possible this
could be just a one-time thing that brings us closer as friends, or is
it more likely to ruin our friendship? He is the only guy I have ever
been attracted to, and I want to have this experience.
Straight Except For One Guy
While you’re open to having a gay experience with your friend,
SEFOG, he would probably prefer to have a gay relationship with
someone. The fact that he can’t “have you” — i.e., you’re never
gonna gay marry him — may make him reluctant to fuck your ass.
Having sex with you could obviously reignite feelings he made an effort
to squash to “save the friendship” — duh — and he may dread
the feelings of jealousy and inadequacy that could swamp him when the
inevitable happens and you wind up in a LTR with a woman.
All that said, SEFOG, I’m going to share a little secret with you
about gay men: We’re men, real men, just like straight men. We’re good
at having sex without getting emotionally attached — some of us
are a little too good at it — and a single gay man, like a single
straight man, rarely passes up a chance to get with someone he’s
attracted to, even if he wants more than that person can give. About
the only thing that gay men are better at than straight men —
besides deep-throating — is maintaining friendships with exes,
one-night stands, friends-with-benefits, fuck buddies, et al.
Lob your balls into your friend’s court, SEFOG, and see what he
says. You were able to remain friends after he confessed his attraction
to you, so I don’t see why you won’t be able to remain friends after
you confess your attraction to him.
I’m a woman with an extremely gorgeous, brilliant, openly
(mostly) gay friend who I’ve been having sex with infrequently but
regularly over the last six months. I know why I’m doing it: I enjoy
his company, he’s hot, the sex is incredible. But I’m not sure why he’s
having sex with me, a straight girl. The most I could get out of him is
that he thinks I have a “masculine sexuality.” I’d like to have a
clearer understanding of where our friendship/sexual relationship
stands. I am a person who likes to talk about everything, and he is
not.
Confused Over Male Eroticism
I would hazard a guess that your (mostly) gay friend is doing this
— doing you — for the same reasons you’re doing him: He
enjoys your company, you’re hot, and the sex is great. As for where you
stand, COME, well, that depends on what you want. Do you want hot sex
with a hot guy every once in a while? Then you’re in good standing. Do
you want a relationship? Then you’re deluding yourself. Very few
gay-identified men are secretly closeted straight guys, COME. When a
bisexual guy identifies as gay, it’s typically because he’s not
romantically attracted to women. He can fuck women, but he doesn’t fall
in love with women. Most bisexual guys are the opposite of your
(mostly) gay friend; i.e., they can fuck men but they don’t fall in
love with men, which is why most bi guys identify as (mostly)
straight.
I’m a 23-year-old lesbian who’s been in a relationship with a
bisexual woman. She’s always had a fantasy about guy-girl-girl
three-ways, so about five or so months ago, we decided to invite her
best friend, “Roger,” into bed with us. We’ve both been pretty happy
with the arrangement. At the start, I refused to have sex with him. But
about two months ago, I decided I wanted to try it, never having had
sex with a guy myself. I couldn’t get into it, so we stopped after two
minutes. Since then, I’ve missed two periods and done four home
pregnancy tests — all positive.
How the hell am I going to break the news to my girlfriend? We
used condoms! I’d like to keep the baby and raise it with my
girlfriend, but we have been living with each other for only a year.
And how do I break it to Roger, if at all?
Gay Baby Mama Drama
How do you break the news to your girlfriend? The same way you break
it to Roger: without further delay. Keeping the baby is your decision
and your choice, GBMD, but it’s a decision you have to make in
consultation with your girlfriend if you’re counting on her to raise
this baby with you. And as your ultimate choice will have enormous
potential consequences for Roger, both emotional and financial, he
needed to be informed of your condition three pregnancy tests ago.
Your girlfriend may not be ready for the kind of commitment that
coparenting represents. Roger may be nontraditional in the whole
three-ways-with-hot-lesbians sense but traditional in the
wants-to-be-the-father-of-his-child sense. You need their input as you
make this choice, GBMD. And you have choices in addition to abortion or
keeping the baby. There’s also open adoption. In an open adoption, you
pick the family the child is placed with, and you and Roger can have
ongoing contact with the child after adoption. You can learn more about
open adoption at OpenAdopt.org.
